Monday, November 26, 2001
Here's the plan: everything
changes or it gets thrown out the window and changes when it hits the ground.
Let's change like a swan. Mitsu had a dream of tiny
people kept in a box, they
wanted to go out into the world, but he was terrified that they would get
stepped on. But he couldn't stop them, one day they escaped and ran thru the
lawn towards the world. He chased after them, trying to protect them. Then he
saw that as the little people ran, they grew. By the time they were halfway down
the block they were the size of ordinary people.
While Yuri Ono and
I work on the new website you can think about the new way. The new way is this:
The Joanie 4 Jackie Chainletter tapes still features every movie received. But.
For the next six months I am only receiving movies that fall under one of three
1)Movies made by women over 50. If you are not over 50 but
still want to participate, then you should help a woman over fifty make a movie.
Who do you know who is over fifty? Yourself? Then it is you I am courting. Your
neighbor? Let's court her together. Your mom? Tell her the good news. Are you
wondering how to begin? Ask her this: "If you could make a movie, what would it
2)Movies made by women under the age of 16. If you are not
under 16 but still want to participate, then you should help a woman under 16
make a movie. Are you wondering how to begin? Ask her this: "If you could make a
movie, what would it be about?"
3) Movies of people jumping into big
piles of cushions.
Other categories may be added, depending what
happens next in world affairs, so keep checking back. Six years of collecting
data through Joanie 4 Jackie has made me the expert I had hoped to become. Today
I am finally graduating with my degree in Missing Movies. I can tell you exactly
what doesn't exist and just how much I need it. Badly, quickly, now. The mailing
address is the same, all the other rules are the same. The only thing that is
changing is you and me. And as we run past the end of the block we become even
larger than ordinary people, we become the size of extraordinary people, we
become large people, and people with amazing listening powers, and we also are
terrifyingly honest . We become the next generation of feminism, yes indeed this
is feminism. Your tee shirt is pink, it shows off your belly button and in
glittery letters it says: "If you can read this tee shirt then you are close
enough to look me in the eyes and tell me something interesting about yourself"
and on the back it says: "Grrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrl Power".
Here are some
questions I've frequently asked myself over the last few
Are you serious?
What if I
already sent my movie in and I haven't gotten a Chainletter tape yet?
will be featured on one of the last three old-style Chainletter tapes.
I was about to send my my movie and I'm between the ages of 16 and 60
and it doesn't feature people jumping onto piles of cushions. So I shouldn't
send it now?
You can always send your tape to Joanie 4 Jackie, but we are
only promising to include the movies that fit the guidelines.
What if I, or my new collaborator is 17, or 59?
Those ages are
acceptable. I will not be asking to see your birth certificate or anything. But
remember, I am between the ages of 16 and 60, and I know my own.
this "new way" is only going to last 6 months?
The guidlines will change
entirely in 6 months, but new categories may be added before
What if I'm boy?
This is your big opportunity to
participate in J4J! Just help a woman under 16 or over 60 make a movie. However:
she has to send it in and be able to claim co-creator status. J4J has always
encouraged women to collaborate, with anyone.
When does this new way
Right now: at 6:01 pm November 25, 2001. All movies received after
this date that do not follow the guidelines will not be guaranteed a spot on a
Chainletter tape. Even if you innocently sent your movie before you read this!
Does this effect the Co-Star series?
first 11 Chainletter tapes still for sale?
Yes, and the new Chainletter
tapes will be also. The new ones will still be Chainletter tapes, but I gotta
tell you: they are going to have names that don't include the word
"chainletter". I think i've thought up all the names I can with that theme.
Who is this Yuri Ono person?
Yuri is going to completely
re-design and re-structure the J4J website, so that it not only includes the
changes described in the last entry, but also the experience of using it will be
like a dream of flying.
Did you ever find a new
I did, and it was through the help of a reader just like you,
except her name was Margaret not whatever your name is. It is exactly what I
described wanting, there is even a boy across the way with whooping cough. And
rabbits. There is also a nail-salon across the way and Interstate 84!
now I will let you have some time to yourself to think all this through. I am
going into the kitchen to make a meal that is baked vegetables. I will call you
when it's done and we can eat it. Don't sit so near the heater or you will feel
even colder when you move away. If you're cold you should put on a sweater and
jump rope, that'll heat you
11/26/2001 01:05:59 AM
Saturday, June 02, 2001
Do other people sit alone on their couches? A couch seems to support the idea of sitting together with others. Sitting alone on a couch is like sitting alone in a row boat or a car. You are moving around with empty seats beside you. You drive the seats all over town, emptied of children you might have, not taking them to daycare. But the couch is even emptier because it moves so slowly. In five years this couch has barely begun it's journey across the room. It may be headed for the door, or the bathroom, it's too early to tell. It seems i won't be arrested for sitting alone on the couch in the middle of the day, a grown woman doing nothing at all. There is this: the sitting, and then there is the flurry of motion, when i am blur, un-catchable and legendary to myself. It is easier to be blurry, to complain, to be strong in the face of constant trials. We all know this, we have been over this lesson a million times. Otherwise we'd all be attending vipassana meditation retreats left and right. But each year the crack deepens, and what you knew before is four times more true today. I was sad, but today i am sadder, I was ready and today i have never been readier. But I am not horny, I am not compelled except by fear and curiosity. And the things that light me up are fleeting, i know i can never have them. I could sleep for years and then wake up to this same day, this same couch and list of 53 things to do. I want another choice, besides doing and not doing. If they can make a third gender why can't I simply live without creating and without giving up. It is silly i know, to become stuck on this. I would tell myself to bake a cake for a friend, be charitable if you cannot be easily. If I keep writing in this vein I will veer off into something completely un-entertaining.
There are various plans underway, believe me. I have not completely forsaken Joanie and Jackie for Miranda miranda miranda. It is only that I made a pledge to myself that the project would become whatever I needed most. That is beauty of doing something out of goodwill, you have no reason to fake it. And by now I know that it always comes back to us. I always think of new ways for us to want each other. The summer has a calming effect, it is all the children being released from school. You don't need to be a new-ager to guess that there is less collective suffering in the months when they can run around and fall down more.
NEW WET LEAVES ON AN OLD HOT TREE (what she thinks about on the couch):
Things in the works:
Joanie 4 Jackie Grants for Chainletter Artists
How to Know Who is Screening Your Movie (so that you can add them to your prayers)
The Ability to Search for a Movie/Artist/Genre
The Nobody Tape
The Links Page
Joanie 4 Jackie-style Distribution in Europe: with your host Emma Hedditch
Can you help? If you can:
Several women are working on a large, complex links page for Joanie. But we do need your help because we don't know everything. Tell us what sites are most useful and exciting to you; they can be in any area: movie-making how-to, festivals, personal web-diarys, stores, web-art, grant resources, good design, historical information, gets you off, etc.
An amazing nameless woman donated two computers to Joanie 4 Jackie. Before I had even gotten them out of their boxes they were stolen from my studio. The robbers left a flashlight but no note. I guess robbers generally do not leave notes, the message is all in the act. I had big plans for those computers, a whole lot of computing was going to happen. Now I just sit at empty desks and turn the flashlight on and off, trying to signal you. Flash me back, tell me that you have an old computer that you don't need, i can be tax-deductible when i want to be -- and i have new locks and renters insurance. Please tell me that it will all be ok.
Also, not to totally depress you further ( I am actually in fine spirits) but the mice, cockroaches, noise and pollution are driving me out of my apartment. I've lived here since 1996 and it is the best apartment in the world. I know it doesn't sound like it -- but I became a woman in here. Anyways, I need some place clean and quiet, solo, under $500 and in Portland. I imagine a small cottage, flower trellis, a bunny hops by, the neighbors wave and I say 'does little Jeremiah still have the whooping cough?' and they say 'Yes!' and I say 'that's too bad, at least i can't hear it because I'm way over here'.
Amazingly, as I was writing this, the old guy in the apartment next door started yelling to the shop below us to 'Stop spraying that metal under my window, the fumes come right into my home, you are killing us! Stop! Now!' I opened my window and chimed in, 'they are killing me too!' and i said something unclear about the environmental protection agency. We begged him to move the sprayer down the street. I think he moved it because the old guy just yelled thank you. But I still need to move, so please give me advice and leads.
In closing I would like to tell you that Nest of Tens, a movie I made, is now available for you to have. I am selling it here and in the little store in my new website, www.mirandajuly.com. Much thanks to Mitsu,
Sue and David for this baby my.
Let's meet more regularly in the future,
6/2/2001 04:16:02 AM
Friday, March 16, 2001
I said the wrong thing to the woman at British customs ("I am a professional artist") and we had to wait an eternity beside two men from Togo. The Togo men spoke no english and wore colorful hats and mirrored sunglasses. They were completely cool and each time she asked: Do you have any friends or family in London? Do you have any money? Why are you here? they just stared and reflected her face back with an enormous nose. Somehow this worked and they got a 24 hour visa. Half an hour later we were also released, and just as I stepped onto the down escalator I saw one of the Togo passports on the ground. I recognized it immediately. I should have grabbed it but it was too late. I found the men below, ripping apart their bags in a desperate search, finally very worried. I pulled one of them back to the escalator. I pointed wildly, but there was no up escalator. I yelled to each person coming down: pick it up please! But we were a suspect pair, surely part of a larger sting operation revolving around them: the european traveler. And they were so proud to be smarter than that. They would NOT pick up the "passport" and thereby save england from germ warfare. Suddenly the man from Togo bolted up the down escalator. At first, horribly, he was not fast enough. He ran in place, cartoon-style. Then gradually his slowness became fast enough, and he made his way to the top.
After all these years they decided that I have to go back to high school. All the same kids are still there, the cool kids are still cool, but they're microscopic. I am clumsy and gigantic: I am out of touch.
I travel around the world and the oranges I left in the fridge are still there 7 weeks later. The weekly papers are still ironic and post-ironic and very anxious. I feel like I'm wearing earplugs, I've lost a sense, it is that of belonging. I walk downtown with my same old legs. I see a man who is missing an arm at the ATM. In the next block there is a man missing a leg. This is all common. Many get hit. I am waiting to cross the street and next to me there is a homeless woman mooning the traffic, she is screaming, Look at my ass.
I want to fuck the whole world underneath the AIDS quilt, hugs across America, saving the dolphins and swimming with them too.
My car is where I left it in January but the tires are flat. I live next door to a gas station/mechanic so it is allright. It's called Jay's and Jay is there every day. He's talking to a man with one glass eye, and the man says talk to her, she's much cuter than me. I tell Jay I went to europe to perform and he says he's really proud of me. He says that if he ever made a movie he wouldn't wait to be discovered, he would show it right there: and he points to the side of my apartment building. He says he would make a 25 minute movie every week and show it on the wall every Saturday. I comment that it sure is a busy intersection, and he says that it's the center of the universe. The projector could sit right here next to the gas pumps. And how could my landlord complain, it's only light. The sun doesn't pay either.
There's so many things to do and at the top of the list it says do nothing. Never unpack and never call anyone back. It is so much easier to feel strange than to grind again. But even if I do nothing, it will begin anyways. I will become interested, I will want to join arms, I will get lonely, I will have desire, I will light the candle in my window and then light five more to draw attention to the one. And some sunny day I will decide that that the green sweater I bought at the charity shop london is not the only thing that suits me. Until then I wear the sweater. I lie on the couch. I stare at the enormous amount of cockroach shit in the kitchen, but I do not clean it up. I wait to grow the new thing that will carry me forward.
3/16/2001 05:52:11 PM
Sunday, February 04, 2001
Between you and your Dutch bed there is the reverse pull of magnets, the 7-hour push that will not let you touch the sheets. You must hover above,
waiting until it is bedtime in Portland Oregon. Then, at 9am, in the cultural capital of Europe, the bed inhales. You are sucked down in a single heavy
motion and the pregnancy of the blankets begins. In the first 50 minutes you have formed a tiny spine, but no eyes, no limbic system, no name.
Then something calls Miranda, and skinless I am sent into the world by someone horrible named Miranda, some ambitious dentist who insists on
cleaning my teeth, though I wasn't given a chance to grow teeth; applying make-up to the places where my face should be. It remains attached to the
pillow and as I move around Rotterdam I stretch the face into an ever-thinner ribbon. It is woven between the Schouwburg, Pathe, De Doelen and in
order to sleep I must wind up my face; I must lay down and trace the ribbon all over the city square. And when it is piled in my arms again I wrap it
around a tennis-ball, to make it round at least, something like the other faces I see.
I ask the knotted ball to tell me again about Ghandi and the starvation artists. Tell me how all the amazing things in history have been done by The
Tired. Give me nobility, or else I am just a child who never gets tired of Legos. What else can I build from this kit of 100 colored pieces? Surely I have
thought every combination of thoughts. Oh but no. Once all the real things have been built -- the space station and the hut – grotesque new arenas of
Awake are revealed. Hours spent only fearing. A wretched fear like a howl, sobbing at the sloppy shoes of America: Take me back, oh take me back.
No you will not go back. You will eat cheese and stay. You are on the sleep-over that never ends and you may call your parents, but when they
answer you will be mute: Please come get me now. Please drive to Rotterdam in the old yellow Maverick and please buckle me in with my pee-soaked
Snoopy sleeping back that says Security is having friends spend the night. But too much Mission Impossible has prevented me from understanding
this and I believe that Charlie Brown is a security guard and he is having friends sleep over. Perhaps he needs them to help guard the Ambassador
until after the coup. It is hard to tell from the pictures, though Lucy is clearly mad about having been passed over when Jim chose the Impossible
Mission Team. I was chosen though, and I will survive. There is a dot of blood red inside me, slept or not, and it is love. It cares not whether I am
awake or asleep, or mentally impaired. It will come forth no matter the vessel. It will bloom before the other still beating loves. It will spell the secret
name of every man, woman and child in Rotterdam. I give you myself, I give you my tiredness, my only arms, my only face, the one that I am, it is for
2/4/2001 03:44:09 PM
Sunday, January 21, 2001
My Friends, (a salutation and also the title of a great book by Emmanuel Bove)
The age-old problem of being one woman instead of four women, or all women. If I was 2 or more women then surely my plans for Joanie 4 Jackie would be outside of my diary by now. But instead I am one woman about to go to on a six week European tour. So please excuse my little lapses, it is for love of many things. And I invite you to come see us (Zac Love and me) perform The Swan Tool in Rotterdam, Vienna, and London. I tried to soothe my parents by telling them what my boyfriend told me:that Europe is not the moon, and that if they could even visit me -- in theory. But my dad said that he liked to think of Europe as the moon, that it felt more special that way.
And now I lower the glass bubble over my head.
And now I step into the rocket.
The David Bowie song called "Major Tom" is playing.
3-2-1: women's dresses pressed against their legs from the explosion.
She looks up and sees us. She waves and we wave. None of us has hair under our arms. We wave until we are close enough to say hi and then we say hi. Now we are close enough to hug, but we don't. She says come in and inside is dark with no children. It is terrible to have to ask for anything ever. We wish were something that needs nothing, like paint. But even paint needs repainting. We are sitting on a couch and she is standing behind us, she rubs her hand through my hair and I can feel her fingernails. I say to myself that long nails equals wealth. The idea of wealth always calms me down. I pretend I smell perfume. What if we all used expensive shampoo.What if we were kidding all the time and cared about nothing. My head relaxes and I do the exercise where you imagine you are turning into honey.
1/21/2001 10:01:20 PM
Tuesday, December 05, 2000
We have brand-new swan faces, feathery white faces and fantastic beady eyes. That is how often we practice The Swan Tool. It is video, helium, Zac and me. It is is the effort of my year 2000 and it's nearly done. In January we will spread wing and fall towards Holland, premiere The Swan Tool, and then off to London. In London we will edit a new video at the Lux Centre, something we laced together in our sleep called: Getting Stronger Every Day. (A new video comissioned by Lux for The Pandemonium Festival). If you are a Londoner then now is the time to outstreach your hand to your American cousin. She's not as hip as you, but she wants to bring Joanie 4 Jackie directly into your large mind. Please email me and invite me to your university or high school in February. If all goes well I will fly home with armfuls of videos made by London ladies and the PAL/NTSC video war will be over. In the meantime, doors are slung over crates, desks are born and Joanie 4 Jackie emerges as an Organization. Oh yes, we have a copy machine! We have areas! I am learning how to delegate tasks and Aimee and Sarah are patient as I sort through my bucket of hats and gestures. Sarah suggests a Palm Pilot but I just want some new socks from Target. They have never met, but Aimee and Sarah together have made 2001:A Chainletter, and it will be released this month. Just between us, I think this may be the best Chainletter tape ever, and you know I never say things like that because I love everyone equally, but check it out man. We suggest a "2001" and "Some Kind of Loving", wrapped in paper printed with your own lipstick-kiss repeated pattern. This is especially perfect for little
sisters (like myself. Some little sisters, like my mom, are 53.)
Give a me the girl until she is seventeen and I'll give you a woman,
12/5/2000 04:41:49 PM
Monday, October 30, 2000
Every 17 days I have to tip me over and let it all run into my head. I'm made out of sand and glass and sand is glass. So I am made out of one thing born at two temperatures. I measure time with my body and every 17 days I stay in bed all day long. I'm a living, breathing hourglass; I read The Oregonian and stare into space and call my mother. She sends her love. I tell her about Astria and Some Kind of Loving and The Swan Tool and she says you're so good with metaphors honey.
It was a mad scramble to produce Some Kind of Loving in time for our tour. At the last moment Allied Vaughn refused to make the compilation because of naked bodies. They decided it wasn't art and the sensitivity of their workers must be protected. The new duplicator was abusive to his wife and his wife was broken shards of insanity and somewhere in the background I heard children and thought oh no. But I stared at the 5 on the clock and thought: dear lord I am fucking unstoppable, you can't fool me with hell on earth, I believe in the diorama I build with my own two hands.
And lo! It is lovely tape! We threw fifty into a bag and left for tour; streamers flying from our straw hats and the ocean curling behind us. Zac and I met up with Astria in Austin and then the three of us swooped around the northwest, showing movies and performing. Astria wore her hair in a pony tail or sometimes down on her shoulders. Zac pretended he was shaving. I tried to fluff up my hair with my fingers, but staring out the window pulled everything down. At the Canadian border I did the talking: We are rehearsing a play in Vancouver for no money, we come with many gifts to give out for free! The officer asks why Canadians can't be in the play instead of us; she pretends to examine The Swan Tool script and looks from the script to my driver's license and back again. What she knows for sure is that I am a professional liar. But I will never amount to anything, so she lets us go. We are ecstatic and plan to emigrate as soon as possible.
On the seventh of November we will leave go to California for the second half of the Some Kind of Loving Tour. We understand if you choose not to live in California, the traffic, the midriffs, the riffs. But please do your neighborhood a favor by projecting Some Kind of Loving on the side of your house. It is time for the whole block to come together and acknowledge that sex is invented in the amateur laboratories of every person's bedroom. The tape is curated by Astria Suparak and features work by Peggy Ahwesh, Jennifer Reeder, Stephanie Barber, Jane Gang, and Karen Yasinsky. And even The New York Press says Astria screenings are, "...spun with a superlative curatorial taste that combined a savvy political consciousness and sexy indie-rock-style showmanship without ever losing crucial nerd cred." The official release date for the tape is next month, but you can buy it here starting right now.
My plan for the rest of the evening involves grocery shopping, lying on the floor, sorting the laundry into lights and darks, taking a walk, and reading about Robert Gober.
10/30/2000 05:38:58 PM
Wednesday, September 27, 2000
When everything is destroyed, every secret fear has turned real, and the person you are has been damned by the people you love the most. When you realize that the happiness you thought would one day come, has already come and you missed it forever. When your mind is just a frenzied loop of exhaustion and you can not call your friends because you don't know why but you can't. When your feeling of pain and guilt is so tremendous that your body is making bruises from the inside.
When this is happening.
When this is the moment and it will not end.
When THERE IS NO WAY OUT.
You have nothing and so you put a CD on the player and you turn it up and it is people singing from another time and place and you are in your room and you are dancing harder and harder and harder because this all there is. This body and this song. arms, legs, jeans, shirt, hair shaking to drums, guitar, microphone into the air, real like snow. I can't fix anything, but if i dance hard enough I can remember that life can start again anywhere. You've lost everything? Fuck man I'm sorry to hear that. On wednesday afternoon while the people are at work, the girl dance to rock and roll and no shit saved but someday she'll be ok.
Some Kind of Loving video tape coming your way! Will design video box tonite! Swan Tool performance lumbers forward! Just gotta ask grumpy man for speakers for practice space! And convince woman to composite video like she said she would! Lotsa great things in future! No empty promises here! Writing grants left and right! Heart hooked up to mechanical loom, building warm blankets for winter! I'm impressed by the perseverance and genius of others!incredible writers and singers! men sawing the concrete outside my window all day long! if you can I can too.
needing diaper applied by gentle hands,
9/27/2000 04:56:10 PM
Monday, September 25, 2000
9/25/2000 10:06:43 PM
Friday, April 7, 2000
Where I am is St Paul. How do I know? I saw some papers like a letter or a
newspaper or something and it said St. Paul Minnnesota and I deduced I'm
there. It also said 1926 so I know I'm in the past, actually I'm Christopher
Reeves hiding behind a chair in the movie Somewhere in Time. Or else it's
1983 and I'm nine watching Somewhere in Time on TV. Either way it's time for
a web update.
I'll tell you everything I know, this coming from a girl ignoring time and
space, typing in an outfit that is a nightgown with a puffy vest over it.
1. The summer is always a good time for Big Miss Moviola because this is when
kids in school have time to wander over and give me a hand. So I'm looking
forward to hosting one or two sweaty summer interns at the HQ. My dream tho,
wanna know my dream? It's that sometime in the next year I will be able to
HIRE a part-time partner in crime. This would be a person who is smarter
than me, more organized, and full of a million ideas I never thought of.
2. Co-Star Tape #2: I Saw Bones is delighting us, running all over the
place, fingers in electric sockets. Read an interview with curator Rita
Gonzalez and Holly Willis, editor of Filmmaker Magazine. To interview Rita
for your magazine, write her.
3. And just to wet your tongue: the Co-Star Tape #3 will be curated by New
York's youngest favorite experimental curator, the perpetually in-the-know
4. When I'm not spinning the Moviola: for the next 8 months I'll be videoing
and editing, and writing and moving my arms and hips and collaborating with
Summer Mastous and Zac Love and Mitsu Hadeishi
to make this swarthy new
continent, this new multi-media performance called The Swan Tool. There will
be an album that goes with this new work, released by K.
We should be done
by the end of the year but if you want us to come to your to town and try
out bits before you (or come do the whole thing in 2001)--Please write.
5. I made this movie called Nest of Tens. This will be available through Big
Miss Moviola, nestled in some co-star tape, soon. To buy it the conventional
way and immediately you have to order it from Video Data Bank. But what you
really love is Zac Love's soundtrack to the movie. Nest of Tens is DoNE but
he's kept going, mixing and remixing, making an incredible new album. This
Nest of Tens sort-of soundtrack, train-off-the-track album will be released
6. So yeah I'm not on tour any more, but I'm still kicking around, going
here and there, looking for things in places, and as long as I'm there I
might as well show some movies and do a little softshoe. Check to see if any
of these events are in your town (CA, WA, MN, OH). I'll be in St. Paul a lot,
mostly shooting video, so if you live in that area and have any extra time
and want to help me shoot, definitely email me.
Soon I will be out of my nightgown and into the day.
Miranda July Writes In From the Final Week of Her Month-Long East Coast
Tour, Sunday March 26:
I have been weightless and believing. I have been believing. I am a woman
traveling alone and I have taken planes and rental cars and airplanes and
cabs and subways and I have walked. I have walked to get to where you are.
And I have gotten lost. I have pulled over and cried onto myself and stared
at the lit houses and wondered if I should move to this street, to the only
place I know how to get to. When I arrive I am a tired animal. I am not how
you thought I would be. Iím not insane and beautiful. Iím tired like your
mother after work. But I am polite. Notice that I am always polite. Because
I am reserving the right to become ecstatic later on. I came all this way
for a reason. I needed you and so I came to your town and gave you
everything I had to give. You thanked me, and I believed you when you
implied that you were going to make the world awesome with your personal
inventions. And you paid me an arbitrary amount of money that struggles
to be part of our conversation but has nothing to say about the things we
are interested in. Sometimes I sleep in a motel like the Super 8 and
sometimes I sleep in a girlís dorm room, on her nice sheets from home, while
she insists on sleeping on the cot. I borrow shampoo and I care more about
this than love. Back on the highway I sing amazing new love songs to my
purse on the passenger seat. I sing songs using the word "hay" for pussy
hair. I wonder if I am in the middle of the ocean because nothing means
anything to me. My mind is paper and light and dirty water drunk anyways. I
bought a book by Ethan Hawke and read it.
I am trying to update you on the tour. How is the tour going? Great! Last
night I resisted the voice in my head that said the road was an Atari game
and I should try to hit the moving lights. Great! I can wear the same pants
everyday because they are new to each town. Great! I know I should tell
you how the screenings are going. I perform in colleges and bars and places
that are run off community love I guess and galleries and theaters and with
tech crews and movie theaters. I am showing movies from the new
I Saw Bones compilation and the
Chainletter tapes and my movie
Nest of Tens and then
often I perform. I can recite each line of Naomi Umanís Removed and Kate
Haugís Deep Creep. I know that if they laugh at this then they will laugh at
this. I fixate on individual faces as I perform and sometimes I get confused
and think I went to fourth grade with them. They are such a familiar part
of my life, which began when I stepped onto the stage before them. In any
case, I wanted to thank you: to the students who brought up my name in some
committee meeting, to the wonderful-looking strange people who show up at
the hard-to-find venue despite the fact that they are, on the whole, sort of
skeptical and agoraphobic. Thank you to the daring curators who donít give a
fuck what medium I choose next because itís not "multi-media", itís just
life. And thank you to the people who come home from the show and look at
this site before going to bed.
I'll send word when I get home.
Click here for tour photos
BACK FROM THE NETHERLANDS:
You should know that the Big Miss Moviola Headquarters are located above a
record store and below a ballroom that has been reconstructed to look like
Morocco. This is the place I am writing from. Before last week I had never
been out of the U.S. (except for upstairs if that even counts) but now I
have been to one town in Holland called Rotterdam and there was a
festival there. It was just too much so mostly I had to watch Dutch TV in my
hotel room when I wasn't negotiating the international future of myself and
Big Miss Moviola with European Ladies Against Boredom (ELAB).
One of the screenings I did go to at the festival was a presentation of
what these two Japanese boys are calling "One Piece" movies. That is: "no
zoom, no pan, editing or sound post-production, one scene, one shot".
Yaguchi Shinobu and Suzuki Takuji started the trend and now all the kids in
Japan are making One Piece movies. I assume that some of these One Piece
moviemakers are women and will eventually send their work to Big Miss
Moviola so that we can cop their style. If you can speed up this connection
please do. I also showed my new movie Nest of Tens, which East Coasters
can see next month. If you live in NY, for example, then you can go to the
NY Underground Film Festival and see the US premiere of Nest of Tens AND I
Saw Bones, the COMPLETELY NEW AND AMAZING Big Miss Moviola Co-Star tape
curated by Rita Gonzalez. Rita and I will both be there and so will I Saw
Bones moviemakers Kate Haug and Eva Aridjis. And super-star curator Astria
Suparak is throwing a party afterwards at CB's with DJ Annalee Brady and
filmmaker Luther Price doing something with meat and plastic and Kevin and
Jennifer Mc Coy will be VJing with some kind of old-school video game
Until then I am here where it is forever 6:30 on sunday night with a
forever little headache and forever unzipping the top of my pants so I will
be more comfortable.
WELCOME TO THE BIG MISS MOVIOLA WEBSITE:
Are you at your job? At school? At your family computer maybe. And you are
looking for yourself on the Internet, for anything that reminds you of you.
It's like checking your email: has the web come up with any more evidence
for life on earth yet? Has anyone written me? Do I exist today or am I
just all memories and dreams for the future.
YOU ARE REALLY HERE AND I CAN PROVE IT.
Big Miss Moviola is the girl's place for evidence of everything she's seen,
and proof of more. You should look around this new website because it's all
for you. I am one girl in Portland Oregon who has compiled all of these
documents, girl's movies, so that I can wake up in the morning and feel
like Earth is this place that has to do with me and you. The real you, the
woman that is stranger and cooler and smarter and sexier and sadder and
more caring than any woman on TV, and you are even a little better than you
pretend to be because no one's ever demanding your best. I mean com'on, you
think anyone's going to notice if you don't live up to your own high
BIG MISS MOVIOLA WILL NOTICE. HER JOB IS TO NOTICE WHAT IS MISSING. SHE
ONLY SEES THE GHOSTS OF ALL THE GIRL'S MOVIES THAT WERE NEVER MADE BECAUSE
NO ONE DEMANDED THEM.
This is the place where you and I demand to see the missing movies. Life on
Earth is funner when you're not waiting around to win the lottery or fall
in love or die, because you're too busy telling the story that only you can
A tremendous and heartfelt thank you goes to
Sue for making this site for us.
Welcome to the Big Miss Moviola Website. See you soon,
How The Co-Star Tapes Came To Be (A Diary Entry)
i was on the airplane and there was a lot of turbulence and i was pretending to be someone who is really afraid of flying. i wanted to see if the adults on either side of me would get nervous if i started breathing really hard each time the plane shook. when it shook really really hard i would grab the arm of the woman next to me, as if in a panic, and then when it stopped shaking i would pretend to be embarrased that i was gripping her and apologize awkwardly. but i am not afraid of flying i am just afraid of being bored. after that game got old i played the game: what changes would i make in my life if i had money. this is a good game b/c a lot of the time the things i want really aren't impossible, i am just too broke to conceive of them. it is a 9am-2am job: constantly reminding myself that there is nothing stopping me. from 2am-9am i don't have to work the job because i am asleep and dreaming the impossible dream.
what would i do if i had money? my first thot was: pay all the incredible moviemakers who participate in Big Miss Moviola. The thot was more complicated, it was more like: if i didn't have to be so damn careful about not losing money, i might be able to take risks that would lead to actually making money. by now anyone who has read a few of these viewers digests is probly thinking: chill out. nobody cares. none of us are making any money from our art anyways, who cares if big mm pays me a dime every 5 months. and i say: you are so right. except for one thing: this business is my art project. Inventing new systems that are relevant to new women is something i have to do, just like moviemaking, just like performing is something i have to do. for 24 year old, sick white american women artists in 1998 the business of art is inseperable from the medium itself. there is a whole enormous map of art and popular culture and feminism and commerce and i am an artist and i walk around on that map and feel incredibly fucking frustrated every day about how art is evaluted and valued and described in ways that make it seem useless and irrelevant except when used as mind control. the other reason why i write/think so much about the structure of bigmm is because the project is constantly changing. i might be the only one who knows this. i might be making this up. i might be changing. i might be big miss moviola. or it might be true: maybe it is really true that big mm recieves 10x the amount of movies that she did a year ago. maybe she recieves as many as 15 inquiries a day about the project. maybe there are way more ladies making movies than there were just 3 years ago. maybe its true. it is. actually it is true. nobody has the statistics on this, because nobody cares. but i do and i know it's true. somthing is going on here and it lifts up my bed at nite. what i'm trying to say is that i need a new system because the old one isn't working anymore. I hereby decree: as well as being a challenge and a promise, big miss moviola is now also a wave and a particle. just like light. this is because i am getting so many movies. my friend asked me: so does this mean you're getting more shitty movies, has the quality gone down as the volume has incresed? The answer is: i am getting more of every kind of movie. and i am getting more different kinds of movies. This is to say: the increase in volume is a wonderful thing, more of a good thing. but now here is what happens when you send your movie to big mm:
1) it is compiled with 9 other movies onto a chainletter tape. 10 copies of this compilation tape are made. (as well as 10 viewers digests). This is what i originally set out to do, 3 yearsago--make a video chainletter, promising a "community" of 10 moviemakers for each particpant. Think of the constant creation of these limited edition cahinletter tapes as a WAVE. This will never change. however, i have gone on to make way more than 10 of each tape, in an attempt to sell the compilations. i can't continue to do with each new group of 10 movies. there are too many. do the math. i have to, brace yourself, become selective. about which movies i am going to reproduce in large quantities. so step 2:
2) while every participant is featured on and recieves a (WAVE) chainletter tape, some partipants will also be asked to be on a PARTICLE tape. (I know you can't believe i'm using this wave/particle analogy, but i am! i really am! and it feels great.) These tapes will be made in greater quantites, will cost $8-15 each, will be sold as widely as possible. The participants on these tapes will be paid for each tape that is sold. each participant will sign a contract that says: i'm cool with this deal. i feel like i just accidently peed. but this is no accident. i've always wanted to be able to pay participants.
The goal of the Particle tapes is primarily this: to have less of them. If i don't create a limitation, not only will no one get paid for their work (the current state of affairs)--but i will also begin losing money in a hurry. The particle tapes do not aim to feature every single movie i've ever gotten. And there won't neccesarily be 10 on a tape, which means movies wont be excerpted or cut as often. My criteria for choosing which movies go on the particle tapes is not what you think. I am fucked in the head so i will not choose just the ones everyone tells me they love. i will represnt big miss moviola. in all her cataclysmically contradictory glory. film festival winners are not shoo-ins, people who yell shotgun! do not necessarily get to ride in the front seat. Also: now that there is this wave tape/particle tape distinction, you will recieve your wave tape relatively quickly, but i might ask you to paticipate on a particle tape like a year later. There's no time frame on the particle tapes. I'll curate according to what makes a great tape, with no concern for chronology, or quantity. hell i might even do a theme tape. a memorial tape. and i am interested in doing compilation(particle) tapes that are like 9 works by three women. like maybe these 3 women in the context of each other says something that has never been said before. so keep sending your movies as you make them. maybe i am saving them up to make a compilation that is the story of your life.
plus you can't lose, with each submission you get each time you will get nine movies for free.
other: the wave = privategirlculture. your wave tape belongs only to you and 9 other women. what you the written information that you include with your submission need only be addressed to these 9 other moviemakers. you can ask specific questions of them, request certain feedback or advice. i can't guarantee anything, but i think it is useful to think of this Not as your letter to the world, or your resume, but something more private and with a specific audience in mind. all ten of you have made a movie. now what. if i request one of your movies for a particle tape you can write something different if you want (keeping in mind that this digest will be read by non-particpants, men, the general public.)
Your name, mailing adress, and a description of your movie will appear also in a compendium in the back of every particle tape digest. this way someone can contact you and see your movie, regardless of whether your movie is currently available thru big miss moviola. (remeber i won't be selling wave tapes--they are essentially a separate, underground project. the wave tapes supply a pool of movies from which the particle tapes are created. the wave tapes are supported financially by the selling of the particle tapes. the wave tapes are compartively un-curated. un-fucked with. lo-fi and perfect. the particle tapes are curated. by me. they've got big missmoviola stamped all over them. they cost money. they are fucked with. by me. and i know how to fuck. they are hi-fi and perfect.
sometimes i feel like a sucker. because again and again i allow the enthusiasm and talent of these moviemakers to pull me out of depression and self-absorption. but then i remember that its ok b/c being a sucker for art is like being a sucker for life. ever so slowly the first co-star tape is beginning to gather form.